Friday, July 5, 2013

TTC Photo Challenge

This photo a day Challenge was created by Dreaming of Dimples. I have decided that since this is my last month TTC (Cycle #60 is the Charm!) without medication that I would take this month off from actively TTC or TTCing at all. For one last month in my life I want to be normal... I will still be taking all of my lovely supplements though :-) I guess in July I will be pre-TTCing for the last time. Anyway! Onward to the Photo Challenge! A new photo will be posted every day of July!  

Monday, July 1: Quote

We have been trying to conceive our first child together for about 5 years now. For those of you ttc 2-6 months or 1year-2years you can almost imagine the degree of emotional termoil it has been putting us through. I'm 23 now so according to all of the amature self-designated experts (family and friends) "I still have time," and "don't worry it'll just happen, I heard of a woman who..." For 62 cycles now, it doesn't look like its happening. I put this quote on my window sill at home just to help me have a good day because for about the last 28 of those cycles all of my days have been either bad, terrible, or uninhabitable. I needed a change.

Tuesday, July 2 : Baby

CD3 or CD32

CD3 or CD32

For today's picture I'm posting what I see most often that reminds me of what's to come. I took this test this morning just for the sake of today's photo. The more I stare at it the more I can make out a second line haha.
 I just finally went to my first RESOLVE meeting last night; I should have started going years ago.

Wednesday, July 3rd 2013: Hope

My hope is faith. Faith that God has made me the mother I am in my heart for a reason, and that reason is so that I may be an outstanding mother in the future.
 In reality, hope and faith is all that keeps me on this journey to parenthood. My logic, the statistics, the pain of every failed cycle, everything else that I fall back on to verify our decisions tell me to walk away but still my inner voice tells me not to give up yet. It's very quiet and I only hear it when the chaos of doctor visits, prescriptions, another pregnancy announcement from family/friends, and work pause for a second to inhale but I hear it, hardly making out the words I feel what it's saying so I try one more time, one more time to become a mother.
Frankly we don't have $40,000 to have a surrogate, the $25,000 to adopt, or the $20,000 for a single IVF procedure so all we have is our IUIs and faith that this time we can become parents.

Thursday, July 4th 2013 : Drugs

I am not on any drugs, yet but I take a ton of supplements. Co Q-10 and Myo-Inositol are my primary supplements. Myo-Inositol improves egg quality and promotes implantation. I've been taking Myo-inositol since March or April and I have since seen my cycles become much more "textbook" perfect. I maintain 28 day cycles and a 14 day luthal phase (the days following ovulation before a new cycle begins). 28 day cycles is a big deal for someone who was averaged 88-365 day cycles for a few years!

Friday, July 5th 2013 : Cycle


This cycle started off weird. I was almost convinced that I successfully got pregnant!  My cycle started on cue but instead of having days of full flow I have been spotting on and off until it just stopped. The Countdown begins 22 days until our IUI cycle begins! I look forward to cherishing every moment we get closer to our goal!

June 6, 2013: Infertility

Infertility for me means finding signs that we should try one more time. This picture wa taken today at 9:20am I had to stop and post it. I have never been this close to the end of a rainbow, (I continued driving and yes I went through it :-), it barely touched the road) and it has me thinking that I'm close to our goal. We will have our family soon.

July 7, 2013 : Love

Me and the love of my life. I get the fabulous opportunity to marry this man in a few short months! We've been together five years and we'll be together forever more. This is my best friend. My opposite. My twin.

July 8, 2013: Needle

My favorite needles are the ones from acupuncture. We do it every week hoping and praying that this is our last time needing treatment. We haven't conceived from it but it has calmed my nerves enough to see good in our days.

"People say to me, 'You're still young,' but I'm already past my point of being super fertile," she says. "It's a very insensitive thing to say to someone going through infertility, especially for us who are younger. I don't feel like time is on my side." " -Jennifer Hampshire

July 9, 2013: Family

July 4th 2012

This is just my immediate family! We are a large bunch! I love each and every one of them!! Apparently, I am the first in my family to have any sort of infertility issues :-/

July 10, 2013: Distraction

My largest distraction is planning our upcoming wedding... only 13 weeks away. This is my general inspiration board! I can hear what you're thinking "What you're planning your wedding now and you have been trying to conceive for how many years???" It's a very long story. I knew since I was very young that I wanted to be a mother. Since I had no expectations of finding a spouse, I just didn't think it would happen, I was preparing to be a single mother and had a marvelous plan for supporting the child and getting through school. When I met Garr, everything changed. He wasn't my first boyfriend by far but we realized very quickly that our meeting wasn't a chance encounter but part of a larger plan hand crafted by God himself. We met in October and by December we were chocking back that three letter phrase and began talking about forever, children, and happily ever after. 
We were young so our parents didn't want to approve of the hasty commitment we had for each other and since it was so hasty they didn't think it would last. We talked about eloping, and figured that since we both want a family we would try to conceive and get married the day of our positive pregnancy test. Fast forward four years we were still desperately trying to conceive. We had a chemical pregnancy and about a week later he officially proposed in the most romantic way in April, realizing that it was going to take a while to conceive. 
We set our wedding date for October the following year anticipating a surprise pregnancy to happen very soon, but it never did. In reality we could/should have gotten married instead of cowardly choosing to start our family and using it as an easy excuse to get married. We should have faced our families and told them that we knew we wanted to be together, that we were both ready and willing to work for our relationship and family to the end of time. But, that's so difficult to do when you know that from their perspective these two strangers know nothing about being in love and what it takes to uphold a lasting relationship, which was true. In a few short weeks, we will stand in front of our families for the biggest "I Told You So" celebration as we unite as husband and wife <3

July 11, 2013: Body

Running tests and getting 0 conclusive answers
I have a love hate relationship with my body. I love myself and want to protect my body but at the same time my body is a huge fan of being uncooperative. I follow a paleolithic diet, I exercise at least everyother day, and I'm still overweight. I have high cholesterol and low blood pressure. My body doesn't metabolize sugar efficiently but I fall into hypoglycemia very quickly (within a month of cutting out high sugar vegetables and fruits). My iron is low, but a daily regimen of vitamins doesn't seem to increase the count (6 months of iron supplements and multivitamins). Despite not being average, it works fine and has been keeping me alive and happy for many years now.

July 12, 2013: Partner

Engagement Photo

My best friend! My lover, My Future-Husband!! I love this man so much! He is my rock!

July12,2013 : Summer

What Summer? I stopped having summers when we started trying to conceive!! Now it's just another season nothing special to it. This is my rosebush that has been with me, potted since 2008. She LOVES the spring and summer!

July 13, 2013: Support

I have only just started but (besides my partner and family) RESOLVE is probably the most uplifting support group I have ever attended. It's all of us long term TTCers coming together and affirming each other, learning, growing, sharing stories, and understanding one another. My biggest issues when trying to conceive is feeling so insane, dismissed and not understood. Thanks RESOLVE you have helped us try one more month.

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