Thursday, November 14, 2013

IUI #2- Week One

Welcome to the wonderful world of another effing cycle!! 

I'm kidding, I thought I would be more bitter but I'm not. I think God was aligning me to the path he intended me to be on. And since Saturday (CD1) I have strangely found inner peace and contentment awaiting our little ones arrival, Whenever that may be.

Saturday November 9th I attended the BARE YOUR HEART workshop at Charlotte Family Yoga. I opened up to the women there about our infertility journey and immersed myself into the practice. I have never felt so little chaos in my mind or so little chaos in my heart as I did in the moments/days following this workshop. My cycle started around 5:00pm medium flow, no pain, just present. And in my mind and heart I KNEW that this was okay. I felt okay. I felt happy even. I declared at the workshop that I would stop blaming myself and my body for not conceiving and to give up trying to control our fertility. I AM HAPPY! My heart is open to allow whatever the world has to offer me. Life still happens when we are not reaching our goals. Our goals still happen even when we do not obsess or focus our entire lives to reaching that goal.

After class our instructor set us aside to help us along our infertility journey. She invited me to join the bi-weekly prenatal class, create vision boards for what we want, and to incorporate and focus on three poses to improve fertility Malasana, Seated Wide Legged Forward Fold, and Cobblers Pose.

They do 30 days for $30 (new client special) so I'll sign up for that and be COVERED this entire IUI cycle. Then I'll pay for class passes since I'll be able to make at least 4 of the classes out of the 8 so my money is better spent on just paying for the classes I attend than paying for unlimited months.

Sunday, November 10th. Are you all ready for this? My neighbor invited us to her church so we attended, she knows nothing about our infertility journey (yet) but guess what the serman was about? JAMES 4:1-12.
 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions[a] are at war within you?[b] You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people![c] Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
11 Do not speak evil against one another, brothers.[d] The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. 12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?
After reading it and reading it I realized that this weekend was no coincidence. I need to let go of my cravings to be a mother and my obsession for MAKING it happen. I need to let it go and allow myself to find true inner peace. I ask for a child to fulfill my need for conceiving in hopes that it will bring me to a higher state of happiness. I will never find happiness this way; seeking things in order to be fulfilled. I need my inner peace.

Needless to say the Yoga Workshop and the Church sermon spoke to me, where I am in this journey and clarified the other's journey so much that I realized that these two things I needed to do. God had put me into this path and confirmed it for me just when I was going to need it most. Yoga calmed me down enough to receive his message and I am a FIRM believer that when you receive messages like this on the verge of your potential breaking point (CD1&2) while your heart is open and your mind calm; you immerse yourself into it.

Not much going on but things are getting better. I haven't been obsessing over my cycle this time around. I just take my pills and mark on my calendar the next time I'm do to go in to the clinic. No temping, no probing, no counting, no waiting. I'm living right now day-to-day. So you wont be getting so many updates on what's going on. Also, I anticipate only testing 14DPO with a digital test. I'm going to throw a rock in the pond and say I'm Testing Sunday, December 8th so I don't have to count the days after the IUI. On Tuesday I attended the church community dinner which was very nice. I met a whole lot of great people and am looking forward to growing our personal relationships as we become regular members of the church.

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