Tuesday, February 18, 2014

11DPO: Feeling Down

Feeling down. My temp is slowly decreasing as sure sign AF is on her way. I was holding out hope that she wouldn't show and I wouldn't have to do an IVM cycle and my husband and I can REJOICE in being parents together....

Instead, I have this crummy chart. And this crummy luck. I'm 98% sure my body isn't going to act like it's supposed to during this IVM cycle and they're going to disqualify me or something. :-( Uggh I hate the 10-15DPO span. It's "five days of looks like I'm not pregnant but maybe I am"!! Followed by one day of "Maybe this is implantation bleeding" and then four days of "nope, maybe next cycle."

When will this roller coaster of trying end???? I'm so tired of trying and not conceiving. I'm so tired of having my hopes up to no avail. The worst part is that I can't even let it go. How do you let go of something you have dreamed about your entire life? How do you move on from your hearts passion?  I'm TERRIFIED of doing this IVM cycle not because of the treatment but because it's our last stand. It's our last chance to use medical technology to conceive and start our family that way. THATS why I'm terrified. Maybe it works and all of my fears are set aside but if it doesn't... If it doesn't work... then where will that put us in our most fertile years? If this is the most fertile we'll ever be... I'm terrified of what that means for growing out family in the future.

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