Friday, April 25, 2014

Late.

I'm late! I'm Late! For a very important date!

After having my cycles for the past five months be 28,28,27,24,29 days long respectively. Today I announce that I am hanging out on CD32 I really hope the lengthening cycles help us complete our IVM procedure. I just need one good month to collect those eggs and I am a potential mother to be!

Crossing my fingers
Counting my lucky stars
Lighting prayer candles that we can end this journey with a healthy child in our arms.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Good News!

Great news everyone! I'm officially late for my period! 
1) I could be pregnant (highly unlikely based on the negative pregnancy test)
2) my cycles are going back to being excessively long. (Which means I can do ivm instead, maybe)

Either way what an exciting weekend this is turning out to be.


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The More We Have the More We DONT have kids

When you're young you have so many things to look forward to like getting married, owning a home, getting your bachelor's degree, starting a family. You literally spend your entire life working and building yourself for the next accomplishment.

I have my bachelor's degree
I have my full-time career
I am married
I own a home
 and now I'm stuck.

I'm stuck between never giving up hope and trying again.

At least when you have a child you can look forward to their next milestone, talking, walking, getting them to school, showing them the world, watching them overcome fears, their first date, Prom, college acceptance letters.

When you don't. When you're only trying to conceive your first child. You only have the hope of that conception and begging all of the universe to give you your deepest wish.
Looks Like a CD1 temp if I ever saw one so consistent.

When you return home from work, you prepare dinner for yourself, let your dogs outside. Read. Study. Go to bed and cry along side your husband for the days worth of reminders of what we can not have.

You question buying a 4 bedroom home with 3.5bathrooms, medium sized back yard in a neighborhood across the street from a very sought after elementary school.

I just want to not care and look the other way.

But how can you let go of something you have been waiting for your entire life? The bachelor's degree, the marriage, the house, the full-time job is ALL for our future children. Now what we have all of those things the LACK of children in our life is painstakingly apparent.


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Oh Weekend

Oooooh Weekend! Last Friday kicked off my ovulation weekend. I should have ovulated on Saturday! Thursday my husband and I had the perfect day! We both or off work early to deal with our security system's alert that our back door popped open at 3:45pm. Instead of going back to work we spent te day shopping and dining out.   A perfect day! I confirm how perfect it was from what happened next. It ended on the wrong foot. I don't get perfect days.

As I was turning off the lights I scream and collapsed. I'm terrified and stunned  by the sound of my own scream. My husband rushes to my side. I feel my foot throbbing and I start to get dizzy. I thought I stepped on the corner of a box.

My foot hurts so much! Why does it need to hurt so much??!?!

There's blood everywhere! Oh God, it's my blood.

Nausea rolls in like the tide.

I panic.

The room is spinning. 

I freak out. And I cry briefly because I know how exhausted DH is and I feel sad that I will potentially will keep him awake all night. I realize I'm bleeding hard. I get nauseated. Dizzy. 

He proceeds to beg me not to look and informs me that a grill scraper just gutted my foot. Stabbed in and pulled flesh out.
 Yap that forked part and a good portion of the rest of it. 

DH finds the first aid kit quickly, stops the bleeding, and bandages me up. We opt out of going to the ER since it's expensive and since the wait is Always 3-5 hours we might as well sleep at home and go to urgent care in the morning.

Everything is pleasent and well:) I was in excruciating pain for the entire urgent care exam. The doctor's exam of my foot convulsed me into fits of yelps, whimpers and screams. We opted out of glue because the gash was too wide and chose not to proceed with stitches because it would be hard to numb the area. But she was sweet explained everything and prescribed me an antibiotic and a pain management medication. Gave us some crutches and called it a day :). I won't need stitches as long as I keep it bandaged and stay off of my foot for two weeks.

At walmart I took complete advantage of the situation and hoped in a walmart go-cart with the little basket in front. 

We ended up buying $263 worth of extra stuff that we needed for the house. Which was fun. I love getting things or the house!! We bought a tv stand, a storage bench for the foyer, first aid stuff to rebandage my door throughout the week and miscellaneous other walmart goodies. 


Saturday my husband finds 15 four leaf clovers in our yard in five minutes. 

Sunday my sweet husband lights a prayer candle my mom bought us with the house. We have been keeping it burning as I recover.

I just hope the antibiotics help ttc.



Tuesday, April 1, 2014

April 2014

Right as April approached I ended up with no insurance. All of the smaller plan just quit so I'm stuck trying to find a new health insurance plan. They are all much more expensive and much less inclusive. Copy's for diagnostic testing and virtually everything else. I don't have time to pay 300 a month for insurance THEN 20% on my diagnostic tests demanded from my doctor, 20% of the arbitrary perscription prices. Even with the silly Obamacare we can't afford to pay for insurance and medical bills, a mortgage, utilities, insurances, and taxes. I'm so frustrated. Every month something new comes up that pushes our fertility treatments back. 

Whatever. 

Whatever.

Whatever.

We'll just travel or something arbitrary and unfulfilling instead since we have no children and we can.